Is Pain A Really Prerequisite For Meaningful Growth?
Nov 04, 2023
We humans tend to grow as a result of hardship, but is pain a prerequisite, or do we just believe it is?
Would it be possible to bypass the hard part and just choose mindful and joyful growth instead?
My personal belief is that we are in this "world" to have the full range of human experience and to expand our knowledge to contribute to the "collective consciousness".
All knowledge is innate to us (we came from the quantum field / collective / "the oneness" so we can tap into it right?). Learning (education) along with living through different experiences (the real education, ammiright!), and feeling all kinds of different feelings are how we unlock that knowledge.
We could schedule "mindful growth" to avoid "painful growth", but what would "mindful growth" even look like? Pain could actually be a desirable part of the "full" range of our life experience while playing in this human dimension...
Keep reading. I'm diving in!
The only real problem with pain (and sadness) is that we hold on to it instead of releasing it as we do with laughter as a means of feeling and releasing joy.
Can you imagine not laughing when something is funny as f*ck?
So, in the same way we release happy emotions as they pass through us we can learn to let go of pain when we feel it. We can still learn from it but without the extended suffering (as that only happens when our minds get carried away by creating meaning if we hold the emotion for too long).
NEUROSCIENCE NEWSFLASH: It takes 90 seconds for an emotion to pass through you. It only sticks around if you attach a thought to it such as "Oh that must mean something about me and now I feel poop about it."
Instead, if the emotion passing through requires spontaneous, wild sobbing and snot bubbles then give it what it wants and it'll leave as soon as it's done.
It becomes a one-night stand instead of a dysfunctional relationship!
(Side-bar: I must admit this approach is working for me - sometimes I just wanna cry so I do and I don't bother asking myself WTF just happened. I used to want it, need it, expect it to mean something, and it's so much easier when it doesn't)
And as the meaning of life (if there is one) is experiencing as much as possible and unlocking knowledge (AND having a blast - let's not forget that part!) then there are lessons in all our experiences (good, bad, ugly) IF we look for them!
Otherwise, what's the fudging point?
Speed of experiencing painful emotional release is key:
- Feel it with intention
- Extract the data
- Release it
And when you think about it, in order to know any emotion we need contrast, right?
Without Darth Vader, there is no Luke Skywalker.
If we live in perpetual joy (or perpetual pain) then its very endlessness will diminish its intensity or indeed any significance because there's nothing to compare it to KNOW what it even is. Joy will be meaningless. Pain will be meaningless. Life will be meaningless...
We are each living our very own hero's and heroine's journey (we all contain both the so-called "masculine" and "feminine" energies however we identify), and as such we face trials, obstacles, the "dark night of the soul", and going through it all we experience re-birth with the help of mentors and guides along the way...
So, while we CAN grow mindfully through the good times, it's the bad times that turbo-charge it!
Just like scar tissue is stronger than unscathed skin, and muscles grow by tearing and repairing.
The key is to feel and release.
Never to hold it in... (just like gas!)
Having said all of that we should talk about grief as this isn't something that passes with just one good sobbing session...
Let's talk about the G-word
Grief is a deeply complex emotion that opens the doors for us to experience some really REAL sh*t that other kinds of sadnesses don't! Grief is about honouring our dead loved one, it enables us to truly consider and appreciate our own mortality (especially with the loss of a parent), it's a way to focus on who and what is really important in our lives, it's an opportunity to really FEEL.
To feel deeply, to forgive, to love, to be grateful for, to surrender, and let go!
Death leaves space...
Space leaves room for creation...
Creation is how we continue to expand.
All of which are incredible lessons, and beautiful opportunities!
We're all going to die a human death one day.
NOTE: It's also important to be mindful not to get lost in a vortex of grieving angst...
(Side-bar: My own grief for my father was stunted, I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral because I was "too young" *eyeroll. So my grief informed my life on levels I wasn't even aware of, even after I had therapy two decades later FFS! It's only in the last year that I've been able to let it go...)
And so... Here's what I've concluded:
- We are alive as humans to experience "the works"
- Pain is part of the "deal"
- Pain only becomes suffering when we are afraid to release it
- All emotions contain data
- Discomfort zones are mandatory
- We need contrast to know what's what
- Grief contains the cheat codes for life
🦩 Work with me: Book 1:1 session
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